The Sandwich Generation Isn't New. The Weight Might Be.

Recently, I committed to spending less time scrolling social media and more time writing, reading, and researching caregiver support. That said, I still do end up scrolling through from time to time. Yesterday, I came across a video where the creator asked, “Why are Gen X women the first to be expected to care for children and parents simultaneously?” A provocative question, and it definitely hooked me, doing its job, right? While I sympathize with this creator’s point of view, I quickly understood this as an opinion, not a fact. After all, my mother and her sisters took care of my grandmother, my grandmother took care of her mother, and my great-grandmother took care of family members throughout her adult life, too. So I got curious. Instead of asking, “Why is Gen X the first generation to do this?” I asked, “How long have we been raising our kids while also caring for our parents?”

It may surprise you; it certainly did me, to find out that the term “sandwich generation” did not begin as a label for Gen X women. In 1981, social worker, gerontologist, and sociologist Dorothy Miller and her colleague, Elaine Brody, coined the term “sandwich generation,” describing baby boomer women who were “sandwiched” between their care for their children and their elderly parents. So Gen X wasn’t the first after all. The paper goes on to say that the stress the sandwich generation is under is unique because it is unshared and disproportionate; there is more giving than receiving. Apparently, not having enough resources or support isn’t new either.

But did this actually start with Baby Boomers? Were they the first “sandwich generation”? A quick look at history books, historical novels, or television shows shows that multigenerational living and care have been around since the beginning. Beyond my family’s history, which shows how grandparents were incorporated into our lives, historical and archaeological evidence also supports this. As someone who has studied Biblical history, I know of many references to aging parents living with adult loved ones; Peter’s mother-in-law lived with his family,, and after Jesus’ death, his mother lived with John, a disciple of Christ. That said, I looked for more examples in the broader historical context of “sandwich generation” care in ancient times.

If we give the caveat that adult couples in ancient Greece and Rome had children if they were able, we can see the people of this period practicing what is called filial piety, or “the fundamental virtue of respecting, obeying, caring for, and honoring one’s parents and ancestors” (dictionary.com). This went beyond just the idea of reverence for the aging, but an actual moral and sometimes legal responsibility on adult children to take their loved ones who could no longer work or tend to their needs into their homes and care for them.

Filial piety didn’t end in ancient times and wasn’t exclusive to the lower socioeconomic classes. Even Violet Crawley, the Dowager Countess in Downton Abbey, was given “housing” on her son’s estate, included in family meals and gatherings, and included in decisions. She even moved back into Downton Abbey with her family in her final days. Of course, the Granthams had practically endless resources, but my point is that there was a cultural expectation to provide however one could, regardless of financial or social status. Even some characters “below stairs” provide support and care for aging relatives.

With all of this, why do we feel like we are the first generation to carry this burden? I believe it is because we are experiencing this role differently, and perhaps more intensely, than previous sandwich generations. While we might be tempted to blame the idea that families no longer live as close as they used to, this is actually a highly debated topic among sociologists. It is more of an “it depends” type of situation. Long-distance caregiving is an issue, though, and it’s something to consider in this conversation. But it isn’t just that, so what is it?

I have a hypothesis based on my own family experience and what I have seen among my friends. There is a trope that Gen X kids ran around until dark, were expected to stay away from their parents, and weekends and evenings were about relaxing or at least working around the house, not the non-stop scheduling of today. While this probably isn’t accurate for everyone, it certainly was part of my experience. In addition to my own childhood, studies by sociologists Bianchi, Robinson, and Milkie over several decades show that parents spend more time on practical care for their children than they did just a few decades ago. This is true even though more mothers work now than before. While spending more time with children isn’t necessarily a bad thing, it does mean that adults, especially working women, do have more “in their sandwich” than previous generations. (And we STILL feel like we’re not doing enough!)

And then there is the other part of the sandwich: the aging parents. In the past decade, family caregiving has jumped 45%, according to studies by AARP and the National Alliance for Caregiving. This makes sense, as the Baby Boomers are the group born during the rise in birth rates after World War II. More people aging, more caregivers. Makes sense! But something else has also changed: the caregiving itself. Family caregivers now do caregiving tasks that used to be performed by trained professionals. The average amount of weekly care hours has also increased. Whether a loved one lives at home, in an assisted living facility, or with an adult child, caregiving time has increased.

I have a great story that demonstrates this. My mom often talked about how her family always had a relative living with them. They would come and stay for about 6 months, then move on to the next relative, and then back again. She constantly talked about it as if it were the “good old days.” In my head, I imagined my grandmother taking care of my mom and aunts, her home, and the farmhands that helped my grandfather with the crops. A lot of work! I thought about how my grandmother would have to do the bathing, take “Big Granny” to the doctor, get her dressed, all the things. It was only recently, during my mom’s last year or so of life, that I found out the full story. Yes, Big Granny lived with them for a time, but Grandma also had a helper. Not a “CNA,” but the kind of helper that did all the things. Helped with the house, the workers in the field, and yes, even Big Granny. And Big Granny didn’t need to go to PT, go to countless doctor’s appointments, or get daily exercise. Big Granny stayed in bed mostly and used her cane and my grandmother’s helper to get to the bathroom if needed. So yes, my grandma was in the sandwich, but it was a lot different than before. My mother and aunts weren’t being shuttled around to a million activities; they were outside playing with the animals or in the shade of a live oak tree.

Now? My caregiving experience, and most of my friends’, looks something like this: Constant vigilance around parent health and safety to the point of anxiety. Adding monitoring only serves to increase the anxiety as we stare at the screen wondering if they are “really” ok. Several doctor’s appointments that come with more medications and/ or treatments that may or may not alleviate symptoms or improve our loved one’s day-to-day. We drop the kids off at school, then check in with our loved one or the hired caregiver or the facility. We clean up; we text and email doctors, family members, and insurance companies. We pick up the kids from school, dinner, activity, bath, and bedtime, maybe for kids and our aging parents. We collapse on the couch and maybe have enough energy for a Netflix show or a little scroll through TikTok.

And that, of course, doesn’t really capture the emotional weight of carrying the responsibility for our parents’ lives, our children’s lives, our careers and/or community activities…and the constant bombardment of our doctors, “health influencers,” and society in general telling us about all the protein we should be eating and exercise we should be doing.

So yes, caregiving today is brutal, and it may seem like we are the first ones to bear this weight. Perhaps in some ways we are. And we should ask questions of our healthcare providers, our insurance companies, and government officials. But while we are advocating for more caregiver support and resources for our aging population, we can also ask ourselves some questions.

We know that the expectations of family caregivers are unrealistic. There will always be more to do. You will not get to the bottom of the to-do list. We started this article with the question, “Why does society expect this of us?” Perhaps the better question is, “Why do we think we have to do what society expects us to?”

If we wait on the world to give us a break, we won’t get it. Knowing this, we can ask ourselves to set limits. Yes, we all have limits. And a reminder: your limits of time, energy, and resources do not mean you have limited love for your parents (or children). We can ask ourselves for grace, understanding that while we may not be able to do it all, we can do it with compassion. Perhaps most importantly, we can ask ourselves how we want to walk away from our caregiving experience. What do you want to be able to say about this time? That you did it all? That you did it perfectly? Or that you did what you could and that was enough.

Miller, D. A. (1981). The ‘sandwich’ generation: Adult children of the aging. Social Work, 26(5), 419–423. https://doi.org/10.1093/sw/26.5.419

Brody, E. M. (1981). “Women in the middle” and family help to older people. The Gerontologist, 21(5), 471–480. https://doi.org/10.1093/geront/21.5.471

Filial piety. (n.d.). Dictionary.com.

Bianchi, S. M., Robinson, J. P., & Milkie, M. A. (2006). Changing rhythms of American family life. Russell Sage Foundation.

AARP & National Alliance for Caregiving. (2025, July 24). Caregiving in the US 2025. https://doi.org/10.26419/ppi.00373.001